


high ideals

by ItsLexAgain



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Michael having a good day, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 13:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18661747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsLexAgain/pseuds/ItsLexAgain
Summary: They never noticed these small changes in their typical behaviour. How Saru's less focused and Michael less controlled, whenever they're near each other.





	high ideals

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, good evening/morning or dawn of the day.  
> I've been madly in love with the idea of Saru and Michael falling for each other and being the emotional support they both need. So here's a little Fanfiction for these two little dorks starting to fall for each other but being too god damn oblivious to notice anything. Have fun!

high ideals

~*~

Saru always had an upright posture. Paired with a thoughtful look. It sometimes seemed as if his head was being pulled from his thoughts to the ceiling, with some invisible thread whose consistency and composition he had to unravel. And his arms swung as he walked, almost uncontrollably, as if every nerve in his body were focused on his upright head, and the rest was just disgusting luggage.

Without wanting to do so, he would simply become quiet during conversations. Because he's chasing a thought, maybe even without wanting it, and that thought would be so crucial and even if it would later expire forever he does not want to focus on anything else. Sometimes one could empathize in his face every single train of thought, whether he had gotten a solution to the problem, or was still struggling to understand the problem at all.

His hands carry so much mimic value for him that he could not lead a conversation without them. Where his voice was clear and calm, because he never really felt the need to increase his volume, he put in his hands any dynamic he needed to be interesting. Although the gestures were often cryptic, and no one really understood the connection between what was said and what was being shown, it was always possible for anyone to recognize the entire construct of Sarus' statements. Where his thoughts were so confused and complicated, he managed to render them as understandable as possible.

~*~

Michael's body was a straight line, from head to toe. Everything about her was under tension, every fiber and every nerve. Perhaps her limbs were cast in steel and thus immobile, or she herself refused too much to move too uncontrollably. Every nerve in her seemed to be banished with such incredible control that she would not break and remain in place until she dissolved that command. Until then, it was time to hold out.

Although she knew so much about so many areas, and could use so much knowledge, her thoughts were never disordered. Everything that was always there where it belonged, everything had a fixed assignment and it was thought of something only if it was required by the situation. There were no digressions, no distractions or apostate thoughts. Everything was perfectly arranged, conversations were limited to one fact and nothing was said without thinking.

Her face never betrayed her thoughts. Recognizing the intentions and feelings behind her facade was an art in itself, and often she did not even bother to hide it. It was part of her personality not to give too many information about herself, to always hide behind a callous mask, and to let the outside world guess what exactly she was feeling, or if she had any feelings at all.

~*~

When Saru was with Michael, his head was not pointing up. He was inclined, turned away from the ceiling, and his sublime posture reduced itself to a look down, at the much smaller woman beside him, and drooping shoulders to narrow the size gap. He hated to look down, in his perception she was more equal to him than any other, and he would most like to be on a level with her.

In every conversation with Michael, his disordered thoughts suddenly seemed to find their own order. It was not difficult for him to concentrate solely on her and give her a place in his thoughts that was above all else. He would not just digress or withdraw from the conversation because his thoughts would be circling around her anyway and he was way too grateful for any spoken word.

His ability to express everything clearly and unequivocally was lost with Michael. The confused and complex thoughts he shared were as confusing and incomprehensible as they appeared in his mind. Sometimes he would stumble, stumble over certain words, and continue talking in the same breath because he was too uncomfortable to admit that he’s not able to articulate himself anymore. His intellect may not have been lost, but the talent for packaging it in simplicity. But he did not need this talent, because Michael understood him either way.

~*~

As soon as Michael was with Saru, the tension eased from her limbs. Her rigid form sank down slightly, her body relaxed and she seemed so balanced. The control is reduced to a minimum and she no longer marched beside him, even occasionally dragging her feet across the floor. It was not difficult for her to dissolve the command which left everything in her in a predetermined place. She would put a hand on her neck, turn her head and shake any tension out of her body because he allows her to be relaxed and calm.

Her thoughts fell into such a mess should Saru be with her. She jumped from topic to topic, leaving out important anecdotes and explaining things that seemed so small and void. Sometimes she forgot to mention anything, left room unanswered, or asked questions where there were none at all. The thoughts whirled right through her mind, leaving her no peace, and reversing the order she otherwise led. She could not think clearly anymore.

With Saru, it was not difficult to show feelings. She had neither the fear nor the urge to suppress any sentimentality. She relaxed her face, leaving a smile here and there, showing it when she was happy, even allowing her mouth to sink down should she be disappointed. Her face seemed so much livelier. Even small laugh lines have formed under her eyes.

~*~

In themselves, they never noticed these small changes. Saru denied everything as Pike tried to tell him how disorganized he was when he was close to Michael. When Tilly explained to Michael how happy she was around Saru, how much calmer and relaxed, she just did it off with a stubborn shake of her head. It was incomprehensible to them what their crew members thought about their behavior and why it interested them so much. In their eyes, nothing had changed about them. For Saru, he was as focused and calm as ever, Michael felt no less controlled and restrained than usual. 

For a whole lunch break Saru had once sat with Tilly and talked about how strangely beautiful Michael looked with a smile on her face. That she always seemed so controlled, but those brief moments when a smile stole itself onto her face made her seem so happy and carefree. Tilly just eyed Saru with a knowing look and laughed as he deepened the conversation with a "I just thought about that, nothing more“. 

Michael, however, asked Pike as they met after their shift in the elevator, whether he noticed a certain awkwardness in Sarus behavior. He would not articulate as eloquently as he usually did and he seemed overwhelmed with simple conversations. Pike shook his head unknowingly, assuring that this would only apply to certain situations. Michael thought about the ride on the elevator, and about the fact that this behavior seemed to have "its own charm."

Of course, both Tilly and Pike tried to make both them aware of something but no matter how subliminal or straightforward they tried, Saru and Michael just didn’t seem to get any hint. Fort hem it seemed unspeakably important to understand each other and with it the changes in their behavior. However, it did not occur to them to ask each other.  
After all their missions and adventures, it did not seem to matter anymore. It was not possible to say exactly when the two started accepting it. To accept the fact that they behaved differently around each other and that the best in them came to light. All the time they spent understanding each other did not bring them closer together. The time they actually spent together, be it together in Michael's quarters to listen to vulcanic harp music, or during a brief encounter between their shifts in the corridors, was what bound them together. For them, it was not bad that they got used to each other, that Saru expressed his confused thoughts and Michael commented with a smile. They enjoyed their closeness, their absurd togetherness in these differences. And maybe Saru was stuttering while being around her or Michael could not think straight, but both of them had accepted that - because that meant playing an important role in each other's lives and only too gladly they would take over that role. 

Because she felt for his charm and he for her smile.


End file.
